October

When I first decided I wanted to create a blog, I intended to title it Faded Pink. Why?

Because October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

Everywhere you go you see pink, supposedly to keep breast cancer top of mind. Everything from pink cereal boxes to kitchen utensils to cleaning supplies to even batteries...all packaged in pink....all designed to keep you constantly aware of breast cancer.

But, this October I didn't need the sea of pink to make me very aware of breast cancer. A routine mammogram on October 22 resulted in my own diagnosis with breast cancer. That October afternoon began a whirlwind of activities leading up to surgery on November 2.

At that point, Breast Cancer Awareness Month was over and people in general could again look beyond the pink and move breast cancer to the back of their minds. The sea of pink might have faded but my breast cancer awareness was just beginning.

I won't go into the surgery experience and how that affects you and plays with your head. It's tough, to say the least, but in many ways, it is easier than what comes later. At the time of surgery, the diagnosis is still new. Everything moves fairly quickly and the situation is pretty much front of mind for those in your world...it's still pretty pink.

But, then the waiting game starts. You have to wait for an appointment to meet with the oncologist. You have to wait to find out what further treatment you will need. And, in my case, this wait was even longer due to some miscommunications involving lab reports which resulted in having to order additional tests and wait some more. During this time, the "pink" starts to fade even for those who are in your world. Everything seems like it is getting back to normal. But it's not.

When I finally got in for my second consultation with the oncologist, it had now been almost six weeks since surgery. The surgery, by the way had determined that the tumor was very small, was stage one and had not spread to the lymph nodes so we were very hopeful that treatment would be fairly easy and short. It was just the waiting to find this out that was so difficult. So, what a surprise when we had our second consultation with the oncologist on December 10 and were told that while caught early, it was an extremely aggressive type of cancer that was going to require very aggressive treatment....12 months of chemo, followed by 6 weeks of radiation, followed by 5 years of hormone treatment.

Did you just hear a jail cell clank shut? I did. That is what it felt like. A completely unexpected, kick in the head, jail sentence. I was stunned, completely caught off guard and scared to death.

That night I woke up around 3AM with a phrase from a song going through my head..."there's a light at the end of this tunnel, shining bright at the end of this tunnel, for you." I knew I had to have heard that song somewhere but I had no idea where. I had no idea what the song was about. And I had no idea what any of the other words to the song were. Just, "there's a light at the end of this tunnel, shining bright at the end of this tunnel, for you."

I mentioned it to Ken the next day and he immediately knew what song I was referring to. He is very involved with contemporary Christian music and had obviously played this downstairs in his music room at some point which is where I heard it. It is a Christian song by Third Day and it is about providing hope to someone going through a very difficult situation. I had no idea, but it woke me up. And that is why I changed my mind and decided to title this blog The Tunnel.

I don't want this to be a negative venue. I want it to focus on the positive as much as possible...the light at the end of the tunnel.

On Tuesday, December 22, I will find out the results of my PET scan and will know whether or not this aggressive cancer has already spread. I will also begin my 12 month chemo journey. For those of you who decide to travel this road with me via this blog, I will welcome your comments and feedback. I can't promise to provide daily updates, but I will communicate as regularly as possible. Feel free to share this link with others you know who may be interested. And, if you're walking with me in this I would appreciate it if you let me know that. I would like to have some idea who I am talking to. Until Tuesday...