For some reason, I never quite feel like I'm walking in lock step with most people. Here it is...Super Bowl Sunday...and for most of humanity, all eyes are glued on the Steelers and Packers. Me? My eyes are on it, but my mind isn't. My mind is all over the place.
Thinking about the week ahead. Pretty busy, really. Work, of course. And then, Monday evening I have Rx Health. Tuesday, I have my first hair appointment since November of 2009. Can you believe that? I've been in to see Candace a few times, but this is my first actual appointment in about 15 months. It's not like I have much hair. I've been off of the drugs that make you lose your hair since the end of May, yet my hair has only grown about two inches. Maybe not even that much. But I have wild hair. I'm hoping Candace can do something to tame it. We'll see. Looking forward to that. Wednesday evening, it's RxHealth again. Thursday evening, getting ready for the week-end. On Friday we're headed to Omaha to spend time with Kelli and Brett. Looking forward to accomplishing some wedding planning and shopping. Should be fun. Back on Sunday. So, lots going on and lots to think about.
I'm also thinking about the future... this blog, my life, etc. People say put this whole thing behind you and move on. But, I can't. I don't even think that I want to. The pain, the discomfort, anything of that nature, yes. But the experience, no. Because that experience has changed me. It is part of who I am today. It's kind of like when someone loses a lot of weight and once they've reached their goal forget about what brought them there and slowly regain what they lost. Or when a church becomes so comfortable in their holy huddle that they forget their mission, thereby depriving people of the message they could be sharing. I am truly at a crossroads. For the better part of a year and half, I basically had very few decision to make. Everything was decided for me. Doctor's appointments, treatments followed by this many days of being sick so you couldn't do much of anything, followed by this many days of compromised white counts so you couldn't do much of anything, etc, etc. Now I'm free...free to do what I want when I want...free to go where I want when I want...and while that is good, it's also more difficult. I can't forget about where I've been because that would mean forgetting all of the life lessons that I've learned. But, where do I go from here?
I was reminded this morning that life is easier...making decisions is easier...if we just let God direct our feet. It's not like I don't know that...but I tend to easily forget that. Or, maybe I don't always believe it. One thing I'm still pondering is the future of this blog. I haven't made any decision for sure. I'm trying to remain "open". Not only on the blog, of course, on lots of things. Like the song, Open the Eyes of My Heart. I think I have a purpose and a reason for still being here. I just have to figure it out.
And you...if you're thinking about a comment right now, on any of this, you need to suck it up and post your comment. Why? Because for right now, at least, I'm listening.
Later.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I was driving down the street the other day and saw the pink recycling bin and it hit me ... the timing of the arrival of yours was rather symbolic. Maybe it's also to serve as a reminder to you that this "part" of your life will never be "tossed out" of your mind, your thoughts or your heart. - Rather you will "reuse" what you have experienced and learned in more ways than you ever dreamed possible. Your support of people who need your support, your words of encouragement, etc. will help so many. Whether you continue to write here ... spend some time helping people one on one ... whatever - you'll know the right way to recycle your knowledge one way or another. Good luck with the decision process. Just wait and hold tight - the answer will come.
ReplyDeleteHi you have grown so much from your experience. You need to ask God what he wants of you. You need to help those who will follow in your footsteps. Show them the way and give them strength to go forward. It is hard day after day when you feel so bad to keep going on but we must fight to live. Maybe you can do something on the internet to reach people. You know this well and maybe some comfort can come to them that was not available to you. Use your God given talents to be their for those who still have to walk in your shoes. You should talk to the cancer center and ask what is needed. They know what people need and you could give it to them through your blog or a web site for people that needed support. If you can help one person it is worth its weight in gold. Money will never replace the satisfaction that this will bring. You are strong now make the others strong also. Barb
ReplyDeleteFollowing your blog has helped tremendously in terms of being able to walk with you in some way and share in the journey you have been on for the last year. It has made us aware of what it is to be a cancer patient and to undergo cancer treatment. This isn't something that can be just put behind you and forgotten about. It is now part of who you are and who you always will be from now on. If you decide to continue, which I for one would like to see you do, I think it will be very interesting to see how one successfully makes the transition from cancer patient to cancer survivor. You still have a lot to share with people and I am sure that you will figure out the best way for you to do that. Happy hair appointment today! :) Marilyn
ReplyDeleteHope you have a great day today - Tell Candice I said "hi" -
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments. I'm still listening. :)
ReplyDeleteGod gave you the gift of being able to write.
ReplyDeleteYour blog hopefully helped you as much as it helped those who read it and just wanted to understand and be a part of your life.
"She not only found the light at the end of the tunnel but she became that light for all who knew her."