Wow. After 6 hours at the Cancer Center, I'm finally home...a little exhausted...and very happy to be here. Today was the long awaited final round of the powerfully aggressive AC chemo. So, when I met with the doctor, I was very anxious to find out what comes next.
Within the next two weeks, they will be scheduling a Muga scan to determine how my cardiac function compares to what it was when I started chemo. Apparently one of the drugs I will be getting in this next series is also known to cause possible cardiac issues so it is crucial that they monitor this.
I will be getting Taxol and Herceptin, for those of you who like to Google all the scientific stuff. This will be given once a week for twelve weeks. Sounds brutal. The most common side effects are nausea and vomiting, diarrhea, skin rash, neuropathy and nail changes. The biggest issue though is the fact that many people have an allergic reaction to Taxol. Therefore, the first time you receive this treatment, rather than join the others in the chemo circle, you are in a room with a bed and the nurse stays with you to monitor your reaction. I was told that most reactions are not so severe that you have to be admitted to the hospital (that's comforting). That first treatment takes so long that they don't even schedule it on the same day as your labs and exam. I am scheduled for this first treatment on March 12. Now, I don't know about you, but this doesn't exactly sound like the news I was hoping for regarding the second series of treatments. Oh, they also have you take steroids for 5 days out of 7. Not fond of that idea either. Could be a long three months.
But, we'll see how it goes. I'm kinda tough, so maybe the side effects won't tangle much with me. :) For now, I need to fight my way through the final set of AC side effects. Been there, done that. Let's get it done. Hope you all have a great weekend.
Later.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
The Countdown Begins...
Well, week-end is over and the countdown begins...
Thursday is chemo day and I am already dreading it. It's funny how all things are relative. I have some friends who are leaving for Mexico on Thursday. I would assume that they are looking forward with excitement and anticipation to February 25. Same day, different outlook. (By the way, I challenge some computer literate member of your group to log in to my blog from Mexico and send me a ray of sunshine off the ocean :)
But I am doing what I said I would. I did spend some time on the Elliptical this morning. As a matter of fact, I started over the weekend so have done it for several days now. I also started from page one of a book of piano classics that I bought and am seeing how many of them I can fight my way through. Then I mark the ones I want to come back to and spend some time working on. I am hoping that these things will make me mentally stronger and able to focus on something other than cancer treatments.
Not only that, but there is a certain excitement in knowing that this Thursday will be the last of the AC chemo treatments....the last of that red stuff that they manually inject...the stuff that immediately overwhelms you with a nasty taste and smell. I don't really know what comes after that and, right now, don't particularly care. I care about getting to and through this Thursday.
I read a quote the other day...
"Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway."
Kinda cool, huh?
Later.
Thursday is chemo day and I am already dreading it. It's funny how all things are relative. I have some friends who are leaving for Mexico on Thursday. I would assume that they are looking forward with excitement and anticipation to February 25. Same day, different outlook. (By the way, I challenge some computer literate member of your group to log in to my blog from Mexico and send me a ray of sunshine off the ocean :)
But I am doing what I said I would. I did spend some time on the Elliptical this morning. As a matter of fact, I started over the weekend so have done it for several days now. I also started from page one of a book of piano classics that I bought and am seeing how many of them I can fight my way through. Then I mark the ones I want to come back to and spend some time working on. I am hoping that these things will make me mentally stronger and able to focus on something other than cancer treatments.
Not only that, but there is a certain excitement in knowing that this Thursday will be the last of the AC chemo treatments....the last of that red stuff that they manually inject...the stuff that immediately overwhelms you with a nasty taste and smell. I don't really know what comes after that and, right now, don't particularly care. I care about getting to and through this Thursday.
I read a quote the other day...
"Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway."
Kinda cool, huh?
Later.
Friday, February 19, 2010
It's Friday!
It's Friday. I remember when that used to mean something. Now it seems that all days just kind of run together.
I went to the Cancer Center yesterday for labs and a consultation. It's funny how just walking in can bring on a wave of nausea. Not because having them access my port and take blood is particularly painful. It's not that bad. But, when they rub alcohol on the injection spot the smell is almost overpowering when you're already nauseous. And, when they flush the port with Heparin, forget it. I can not only smell that but taste it as well. I have learned that the only way to get through it is to pop a couple of Spearmint tic tacs before they start.
Once that was done, I went back out to the reception area to wait. It was a sunny day so I picked a chair in the sun and just kind of curled up. The resource director came over to talk to me about a program they have once a month to discuss makeup, etc. during chemo. They also show you how to add eyebrows once yours are gone. And other things too, I'm sure. It sounds like a great program but when you're feeling so sick it just doesn't seem to matter. Besides that, it is scheduled for March 1, just days after my next chemo treatment so doubt that I will join them.
As expected, my counts were low but not so low this time that I had to go on antibiotics. I had been praying all day that I wouldn't have to take antibiotics so that was great news. I just can't handle any more pills right now. Still can't go anywhere or do anything, but NO MORE PILLS! I think it's probably kind of like skiing down the icy mountain and not qualifying for a medal but not falling at least. You learn to celebrate the small victories.
I am feeling slightly better today so am hoping that the weekend will usher in a few days of feeling well prior to my next treatment. Hope you all have a good weekend as well.
Later.
I went to the Cancer Center yesterday for labs and a consultation. It's funny how just walking in can bring on a wave of nausea. Not because having them access my port and take blood is particularly painful. It's not that bad. But, when they rub alcohol on the injection spot the smell is almost overpowering when you're already nauseous. And, when they flush the port with Heparin, forget it. I can not only smell that but taste it as well. I have learned that the only way to get through it is to pop a couple of Spearmint tic tacs before they start.
Once that was done, I went back out to the reception area to wait. It was a sunny day so I picked a chair in the sun and just kind of curled up. The resource director came over to talk to me about a program they have once a month to discuss makeup, etc. during chemo. They also show you how to add eyebrows once yours are gone. And other things too, I'm sure. It sounds like a great program but when you're feeling so sick it just doesn't seem to matter. Besides that, it is scheduled for March 1, just days after my next chemo treatment so doubt that I will join them.
As expected, my counts were low but not so low this time that I had to go on antibiotics. I had been praying all day that I wouldn't have to take antibiotics so that was great news. I just can't handle any more pills right now. Still can't go anywhere or do anything, but NO MORE PILLS! I think it's probably kind of like skiing down the icy mountain and not qualifying for a medal but not falling at least. You learn to celebrate the small victories.
I am feeling slightly better today so am hoping that the weekend will usher in a few days of feeling well prior to my next treatment. Hope you all have a good weekend as well.
Later.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Maybe It's the Weather...
It is getting so difficult to write. I feel that people have to be getting bored with the story. I am getting bored with the story, so why wouldn't they. I look out the window at the incredible mountains of snow and I realize that the snow started at almost the same time as my chemo treatments and it is hanging on just as oppressively as the never-ending side effects.
This is not my day to whine. It is simply my day to be honest.
How can you explain in any upbeat kind of way how difficult it is to feel hungry and want to eat yet feel nauseous and not want to eat at the same time? How can I possibly go to bed early, sleep all night and then wake up feeling like I just went to bed?
I am really thirsty but nothing tastes good or will quench my thirst.
My fingernails are like a dry creek bed.
I am beginning to feel like a burden to those around me.
The hardest part, I think, is realizing how far I still have to go. I might be able to deal with it better if I were on week three of an eight week program but it's not. All I can hope is that the later phases of this get easier. That soon, I will be able to feel like I am at least semi-functioning in a normal life.
I watch the Olympics and am uplifted by the many stories of challenge and courage. I admire the way those people push through their pain and adversity. I feel like I am strong but I need to be stronger. People do this all the time. I need to be able to do it too. But, right now, what I'm feeling is that I wish I hadn't eaten that banana. I thought it would taste good but it didn't and now that is all I can taste. I would make some coffee (I LOVE a good cup of coffee) but I know that it wouldn't taste good either. A few days from now maybe, but not today.
Last night Ken looked outside and said "There is a good 3 feet of snow out there. It is hard to even imagine that there is a lawn under it." That is kind of how I feel with all of this. On Thursday I will go to the Cancer Center for labs and I would imagine I will find that I have no white cells at that point. The good news is, the nausea should be dissipating by then and I will feel more like eating.
Hang in there with me. I know I sound like I'm whining but I'm really not. I am just missing the person that you and I remember. She will be back, but right now, it's still looking like a really long winter.
This is not my day to whine. It is simply my day to be honest.
How can you explain in any upbeat kind of way how difficult it is to feel hungry and want to eat yet feel nauseous and not want to eat at the same time? How can I possibly go to bed early, sleep all night and then wake up feeling like I just went to bed?
I am really thirsty but nothing tastes good or will quench my thirst.
My fingernails are like a dry creek bed.
I am beginning to feel like a burden to those around me.
The hardest part, I think, is realizing how far I still have to go. I might be able to deal with it better if I were on week three of an eight week program but it's not. All I can hope is that the later phases of this get easier. That soon, I will be able to feel like I am at least semi-functioning in a normal life.
I watch the Olympics and am uplifted by the many stories of challenge and courage. I admire the way those people push through their pain and adversity. I feel like I am strong but I need to be stronger. People do this all the time. I need to be able to do it too. But, right now, what I'm feeling is that I wish I hadn't eaten that banana. I thought it would taste good but it didn't and now that is all I can taste. I would make some coffee (I LOVE a good cup of coffee) but I know that it wouldn't taste good either. A few days from now maybe, but not today.
Last night Ken looked outside and said "There is a good 3 feet of snow out there. It is hard to even imagine that there is a lawn under it." That is kind of how I feel with all of this. On Thursday I will go to the Cancer Center for labs and I would imagine I will find that I have no white cells at that point. The good news is, the nausea should be dissipating by then and I will feel more like eating.
Hang in there with me. I know I sound like I'm whining but I'm really not. I am just missing the person that you and I remember. She will be back, but right now, it's still looking like a really long winter.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
The Milestones!
OK. It's time. As you know I had chemo #3 last Thursday and that was followed by the Neulasta shot on Friday. The two things combined basically leave you feeling like you want to crawl under a rock and curl up for awhile.
I did find out from Dr. D. a little more about the thyroid issue. He said the cells they found, and there were multiple, were aggressive, dangerous cells that were a potential problem. They were not, at this point, malignant but probably would have become malignant and the accepted treatment is surgery to remove them which is what they did. So, that is a huge relief. It is amazing to know that if all of this other hadn't happened, this thyroid issue would have probably gone undetected for a long time. Even with the PET scan, the sonogram and the biopsy, the cells on the left side were undetected. But THEY'RE GONE. Hallelujah. And, I probably won't need any additional treatment for that.
So, it was full speed ahead and I moved on to my regularly scheduled treatment. Thanks to Marilyn for coming down and sitting with me through this so that Ken could keep his obligations at Morningside. The current chemo I am on leaves you tired and light headed so I can't drive myself. Thanks too for bringing dinner over that evening. Your help and the help of so many others has been such a blessing.
But, I have basically been hibernating since then and today it is time to raise my head and try to crawl out from under this rock. I have things to do that can't be done from here. For instance...
My grandaughter, Keisha, brought me a Valentine-o-gram from school on Friday on which she added the message, Get Well. How thoughtful is that? Well, today is not only Valentines Day, it is her 12th birthday, and we have celebrated her birthday every year. This one shouldn't be any different. Today should be about her, not me. So, they will come over later for a small family gathering. I made a commitment back on December 22, when I had my first chemo treatment, that I would celebrate and enjoy Christmas as usual, in spite of any side effects and the same for New Years. We never know when a particular event will be our last. That is true for any of us but I am particularly cognizant of it now. So I am celebrating all milestones as they occur to the best of my ability and today is Keisha's day.
Speaking of milestones, in about a month and a half, Ken and I will celebrate our 40th anniversary...not in the way we had originally planned, thanks to a bend in our life's road that changed Plan A to Plan B (don't even know what that is yet) but celebrate we will!! And, in between here and now, all three of our kids will have birthdays (isn't that amazing?) and we will celebrate the lives of each of them in turn.
And, another milestone...my next chemo session, currently scheduled for February 25, will be the last in my first round. Because one of the drugs is known to potentially cause heart problems, I will have to have another MUGA scan before proceding to round two to check for any damage. Once that is done, I will move on to the next phase of treatment which is supposed to be a little less aggressive but does bring with it it's own list of potential side effects. I must admit that some of them make me nervous, but how uplifting to know that I am now that close to moving upward and onward. We'll just keep taking things one step at a time.
For now, it's time to get off this computer and wrap a couple of birthday gifts. Hope you all enjoy your snowy Valentine's Day!
Later.
I did find out from Dr. D. a little more about the thyroid issue. He said the cells they found, and there were multiple, were aggressive, dangerous cells that were a potential problem. They were not, at this point, malignant but probably would have become malignant and the accepted treatment is surgery to remove them which is what they did. So, that is a huge relief. It is amazing to know that if all of this other hadn't happened, this thyroid issue would have probably gone undetected for a long time. Even with the PET scan, the sonogram and the biopsy, the cells on the left side were undetected. But THEY'RE GONE. Hallelujah. And, I probably won't need any additional treatment for that.
So, it was full speed ahead and I moved on to my regularly scheduled treatment. Thanks to Marilyn for coming down and sitting with me through this so that Ken could keep his obligations at Morningside. The current chemo I am on leaves you tired and light headed so I can't drive myself. Thanks too for bringing dinner over that evening. Your help and the help of so many others has been such a blessing.
But, I have basically been hibernating since then and today it is time to raise my head and try to crawl out from under this rock. I have things to do that can't be done from here. For instance...
My grandaughter, Keisha, brought me a Valentine-o-gram from school on Friday on which she added the message, Get Well. How thoughtful is that? Well, today is not only Valentines Day, it is her 12th birthday, and we have celebrated her birthday every year. This one shouldn't be any different. Today should be about her, not me. So, they will come over later for a small family gathering. I made a commitment back on December 22, when I had my first chemo treatment, that I would celebrate and enjoy Christmas as usual, in spite of any side effects and the same for New Years. We never know when a particular event will be our last. That is true for any of us but I am particularly cognizant of it now. So I am celebrating all milestones as they occur to the best of my ability and today is Keisha's day.
Speaking of milestones, in about a month and a half, Ken and I will celebrate our 40th anniversary...not in the way we had originally planned, thanks to a bend in our life's road that changed Plan A to Plan B (don't even know what that is yet) but celebrate we will!! And, in between here and now, all three of our kids will have birthdays (isn't that amazing?) and we will celebrate the lives of each of them in turn.
And, another milestone...my next chemo session, currently scheduled for February 25, will be the last in my first round. Because one of the drugs is known to potentially cause heart problems, I will have to have another MUGA scan before proceding to round two to check for any damage. Once that is done, I will move on to the next phase of treatment which is supposed to be a little less aggressive but does bring with it it's own list of potential side effects. I must admit that some of them make me nervous, but how uplifting to know that I am now that close to moving upward and onward. We'll just keep taking things one step at a time.
For now, it's time to get off this computer and wrap a couple of birthday gifts. Hope you all enjoy your snowy Valentine's Day!
Later.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Here We Go Again
Well, my free ride is nearly over. Guess it wasn't free exactly since it cost me my thyroid gland, but it got me out of chemo for 4 weeks and I must admit that was exhilarating. Just thinking about having chemo on Thursday is starting to freak me out again. I read alot...maybe too much...and I have found that there is a very real condition known as ANV which affects one out of four chemo patients. ANV is an acronym for Anticipatory Nausea and Vomiting. I certainly understand how this can happen but now that I am aware of it, I want to do anything I can to make sure that I am one of the 3 in 4 who does NOT experience this. The week or so of nausea post chemo is bad enough. No one needs it pre chemo as well.
So, not exactly sure how to do this but, I think, staying occupied has to help. Maybe I'll spend a little time trying to rekindle my piano playing talent. Or maybe, try to exercise a little, though that would certainly be easier if one could set foot outside without having to worry about falling on your backside or disappearing into the center of a snowbank. I could read more, work more, or write more. I think you either have to totally disengage from all thoughts of what is ahead or embrace what is ahead and remind yourself constantly that the nasty side effects mean that the treatments are working. Don't know for sure. But the good news is, for now, I am dreading the treatment but I'm not nauseous over it. So far so good.
I've been hearing from numerous people again that there are lots of folks out there sharing my journey who have not yet signed up as followers. I welcome you all, whether you sign up or not, but would really love to know who you are. You don't have to post comments if you would prefer not to but when I get wrapped up in my rambling, it would be kind of nice to envision who all is out there shaking their head. :)
Later.
So, not exactly sure how to do this but, I think, staying occupied has to help. Maybe I'll spend a little time trying to rekindle my piano playing talent. Or maybe, try to exercise a little, though that would certainly be easier if one could set foot outside without having to worry about falling on your backside or disappearing into the center of a snowbank. I could read more, work more, or write more. I think you either have to totally disengage from all thoughts of what is ahead or embrace what is ahead and remind yourself constantly that the nasty side effects mean that the treatments are working. Don't know for sure. But the good news is, for now, I am dreading the treatment but I'm not nauseous over it. So far so good.
I've been hearing from numerous people again that there are lots of folks out there sharing my journey who have not yet signed up as followers. I welcome you all, whether you sign up or not, but would really love to know who you are. You don't have to post comments if you would prefer not to but when I get wrapped up in my rambling, it would be kind of nice to envision who all is out there shaking their head. :)
Later.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Good to Go
Today was medical day. I had an eye appointment this morning and a followup with the surgeon this afternoon.
I have had problems with my eyes ever since I started chemo and I am unable to wear contacts for any length of time at all anymore so decided I better get checked out. I was a little concerned that my previous problem of unexplained bleeds in the retina might have returned. Fortunately not. My prescription hasn't even changed much from the last time. The biggest issue is just that chemo drys out your eyes. It dries out everything! And, therefore it becomes difficult to comfortably wear contacts. So I ordered a pair of glasses. I haven't worn glasses for years! In fact, the last pair I had, which I seldom wore, were single vision lenses so this should be a challenge. Kinda looking forward to it, though.
The surgeon removed my sutures which is such a relief. It feels much more comfortable without those. Right now the area is still really swollen but he said everything is healing well so that's good. Won't miss the Jack the Ripper look. He OK'd me to start chemo next week so here we go...
Interesting thing I didn't know...he said they found a small tumor on the left side which was also a follicular tumor. That hadn't shown up on the Ultrasound. There were several tumors on the left side but none of them appeared to be of the suspicious variety. It turned out to be benign as well but there is always the possibility of developing a malignancy so good riddance to them.
This has been a good week because other than feeling tired, I have felt really good. Have been going into work some and hope to get out a bit this weekend if the weather cooperates. I have to take advantage of this period before jumping back on the chemo roller coaster again next week. Hope you're all having a good week.
Later.
I have had problems with my eyes ever since I started chemo and I am unable to wear contacts for any length of time at all anymore so decided I better get checked out. I was a little concerned that my previous problem of unexplained bleeds in the retina might have returned. Fortunately not. My prescription hasn't even changed much from the last time. The biggest issue is just that chemo drys out your eyes. It dries out everything! And, therefore it becomes difficult to comfortably wear contacts. So I ordered a pair of glasses. I haven't worn glasses for years! In fact, the last pair I had, which I seldom wore, were single vision lenses so this should be a challenge. Kinda looking forward to it, though.
The surgeon removed my sutures which is such a relief. It feels much more comfortable without those. Right now the area is still really swollen but he said everything is healing well so that's good. Won't miss the Jack the Ripper look. He OK'd me to start chemo next week so here we go...
Interesting thing I didn't know...he said they found a small tumor on the left side which was also a follicular tumor. That hadn't shown up on the Ultrasound. There were several tumors on the left side but none of them appeared to be of the suspicious variety. It turned out to be benign as well but there is always the possibility of developing a malignancy so good riddance to them.
This has been a good week because other than feeling tired, I have felt really good. Have been going into work some and hope to get out a bit this weekend if the weather cooperates. I have to take advantage of this period before jumping back on the chemo roller coaster again next week. Hope you're all having a good week.
Later.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Love the Road You're On
Heard a car commercial the other day. Don't even know what kind of car. Doesn't matter. The gist of the commercial was "Love the road you're on." (Sorry to interject so many commercials. Guess it must have something to do with my advertising background.) Anyway, I couldn't help but think about what great advice that is for life. All of us find ourselves on roads we would prefer to not be on from time to time. But the only way to move through that portion of our life is to embrace it and move forward. So, that is what I am trying to do and you know what? I got some good news for the first time in a long time.
We finally got a call with the results of the pathology report on my thyroid. The tumor was benign. That's right. After all this, it was benign. But they had no way of knowing that without removing it and I'm fine with that. I just have to heal (kind of look like I tangled with Jack the Ripper right now) and get my meds figured out and then move on. I can live without a thyroid and I can definitely live without a thyroid cancer.
I love the road I'm on right now because for the first time in a long time, it appears to be straightening. No other treatments are going to interfere with the aggressive treatment of the breast cancer right now. I don't believe that I will even need to do the radioactive iodine treatment for my thyroid but won't know that for sure until I see the surgeon again on Thursday. If I don't have that, they shouldn't have to separate the chemo drugs I have been taking into separate treatments. And this is the road that will lead to my complete healing so what's not to love.
I didn't talk about it much, but after the thyroid cancer diagnosis, I forced myself to face the fact that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't going to make it through this after all. But tonight I feel absolutely euphoric. I am going to make it. And, I have to close my eyes to do it, but I can glimpse that light. See it?
Later.
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