It's Not About the Bike

Huh? Anyone who knows me very well knows I don't even ride a bike. Used to. But haven't since the kids were little and we would strap them on the back and take off down Morningside Ave. It's about the book...Lance Armstrong's book. Matt gave it to me to read awhile back and I just finished it last night. I really like it and will probably refer to it more than once.

What I have been thinking about this morning is something he said toward the very end of the book. "Given a choice between cancer and winning the Tour de France, I would choose the cancer." Why did he say that? Because battling cancer is such a learning experience. He believes that he would have never won the Tour de France had it not been for what he learned about himself and about what it really means to fight while battling for his life.

I guess I started talking about this a little bit last time. Now actually, Lance Armstrong came to this conclusion after he had finished treatment and been declared cancer free. I am not yet finished with treatment. But I still understand. I will never again be the person I was prior to being diagnosed with cancer. It changes you and it changes your life forever. You learn what kind of strength you really have...or, maybe in some cases, don't have. You learn how to prioritize and to focus. I am just starting to look ahead, even though I have nine months of treatment remaining...well, actually, 5 years but hopefully while on oral medication I won't even feel like I am still in treatment. I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I am starting to wonder what that light holds for me. It's been eight months since I was diagnosed. There were times when I doubted that I would beat this. And, there are still times when the realization that a recurrence is very possible is overwhelming. But, all in all, I feel that I do have a life ahead, however long it may be, and I want to make the most of it. So, while I continue the fight, I am also searching. All of a sudden I feel like that song I woke up thinking about so many months ago has dual meaning.

"There's a light at the end of this tunnel, shining bright at the end of this tunnel...for you, for you."

The constant battle with and focus on cancer will eventually come to an end. That is what the song was intially promising me. But there is something else waiting for me too. I feel it. I may have cancer, but I am truly blessed.

Later.