Sunday

Sunday morning and it's very quiet here. Ken just left for church. I can't remember the last time I went to church yet I believe that the God I know is also present here in this quiet room. I haven't even been out of the house for anything other than a medical appointment since Ken, Kelli, Brett and I went to a movie the day before my first chemo treatment. Seems like I am always feeling sick the first week and then not allowed out because my counts drop the 2nd week. Tomorrow I have the biopsy appointment first thing...not looking forward to more needles...and then to the Cancer Center for labs and a consultation.

Funny thing...a week ago I was beside myself with dread of the day when I would start losing my hair. Now, with most of it gone, all I want is for the last hair on my head to disappear so that I won't have to see it on my shoulder or feel it in my face, eyes and mouth as it drops out. I want it gone so that the next "hair" milestone I cross is seeing it begin to grow back.

I'm glad Ken is at church for awhile where he can focus on something other than my illness. This has been life changing for him as well and I feel badly about that. Just when he was beginning a new chapter in his life as a semi-retired college professor and enjoying life to its fullest. He'll be back to teaching labs this week so that's good. He needs that contact with normalcy. It's so odd...I can barely remember what normal was like. I can barely remember life before breast cancer and it has only been a couple of months. It seems like such a long time ago that I used to get up early and head to the office before 7 am. I liked to get that early start. Now I can't even manage to drag myself out of bed by 7.

I do work though. Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, I am able to log into my computer from home and work remotely. That is good. I need that. My contact with people is now pretty much all via email but at least it is contact. And, speaking of work, I do have some things to get caught up on so guess I'll do that now. Hope you all have a great Sunday.

Later.

Thyroid

This will be short. Chemo really took it out of me this time but I wanted to update you on this morning. They did an ultrasound because it is less invasive and could rule out the need for a needle biopsy. They did find several small lumps in the left thyroid which are not a problem but found a larger one in the right. He still feels that there is a 90% chance that it is not cancerous, but given the size, my current situation and the fact that it lit up the PET scan he believes it is imperative that he take a closer look. So, Monday morning I will have a needle biopsy to determine if, in fact, it is malignamt. More waiting, but think positive.

Later.

Chemo Round 2

I went in for chemo yesterday morning but first had to go through labs to make sure that my counts were back up to a point where I could tolerate chemo. So, I had the blood draw and then went out to wait to get called back for my exam. Turned out that all my counts were good so all aboard the chemo train.

They have a big circle of chairs in the chemo room with a group of nurses who tend to everyone"s needs. Turns out I was first in line but soon there were 6 of us, all being infused with various forms of chemicals that would do their job of killing off the bad cells while hopefully sparing as many of the goood cells as possible.

One more lady joined the group, not to have chemo, but to receive massive dosages of anti-nausea medicine to hopefully stop the intense nausea that had plagued her all week-end. She also needed fluids to reverse her dehydration. I felt so sorry for her. This stuff can and will hopefully be lifesaving but the process can bring you to your knees. It is life-changing.

But, once again, I seem to be tolerating it well 24 hours later I have some minor nausea and a few other symptoms but nothing I can't handle. Went back to the Cancer Center this morning for my "day after chemo" shot...this time as one of the veterans who walk in sporting a hat. Got that "first" behind me.

Tomorrow morning I have an appointment at Midlands Clinic for my thyroid biopsy. No idea what to expect there. Just hoping for the best.

Then am reallly hoping to round out the week by going into the office for a couple of hours on Thursday or Friday before my counts bottom out again next weekend.

Was really excited to see a new crop of followers on here this morning. I truly appreciate all the support.

Later.

Quick Request

I know that some of you are following this anonymously and that is OK if that is what you really want to do, but the real power in these is the sense of community and support so it would really mean alot to me if you would sign up as a follower just so I know you're out there. Thanks so much.

The Very Bad Hair Day

You get up in the morning, jump in the shower and wash your hair. Then you stand in front of the mirror trying to coax it to turn under but all it will do is flip up. That is not a bad hair day.

You get up in the morning, jump in the shower and wash your hair. Then you stand in front of the mirror trying to fix it and realize that overnight it has suddenly developed root growth beyond your comfort zone. No, even that is not a bad hair day.

You get up in the morning and are combing your hair just prior to leaving for your chemo treatment and a big clump comes out in your hand. You comb the other side and the same thing happens. THIS is a bad hair day. A very bad hair day. And, it hurts!

Later.

Tomorrow

I'm scheduled for chemo again tomorrow morning and that is weighing very heavily on my mind right now. I am really dreading it!

I'm Back!

Back among the living. I got up this morning feeling better than I have in days and that is a really good thing. My sinus infection, though not gone, seems to be much improved and my energy levels seem to be going back up. The really good news is that I now have two whole days to feel good before the whole cycle starts over again.

Sue and Ron returned to Denver yesterday and Ken took down all the holiday decorations so the whole holiday experience suddenly feels surreal.

Speaking of Sue, I wanted to share a couple of things she did. Just a reminder, for those of you who don't know, Sue is my sister...one of three. First of all, she brought me a wig. Not just any wig, but the wig that my dad bought for my niece (Sue and Ron's daughter) when she was diagnosed with cancer. Should I decide to wear one at some point, I now have one that will be very meaningful. She also brought me a couple of medallions. A good friend of hers received these medallions when she was diagnosed with breast cancer the second time. They came from another friend who had also had breast cancer and received them from someone else. We're not sure how far back this chain goes, but the deal is when you become a breast cancer survivor you pass them on to someone else and keep the chain of survival going. So, they're now mine to carry with me until that day when I can pass them on.

Here's another cool thing...I am sitting here drinking coffee as I write this. Coffee (good freshly ground coffee) is one of my simple pleasures and after I had my first chemo treatment I was suddenly sickened by both the smell and taste of coffee. The last couple of days have seen that cruel background taste of gun metal and rusty nails dissipate to the point where I can again enjoy the taste of food and beverages. I realize this will be short lived, but for now, once again, life is good! Later.