A Look Back...

I got a card in the mail today and it got me thinking...

Next week will be my cancerversary. Can you believe that? Next Friday it will be one year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. What a year!! I think I am feeling more emotional and more devastated now, at the one year mark, than I was then. I wonder if this works the same way that grief does. They say that when you lose someone really close to you, if you don't allow yourself to go through the grief process you will just bury it and it will resurface at a later time. I lost a part of me last year...a big part...and I'm not sure that I really did accept all that was happening mentally. Everyone wants you to stay strong. They expect you to stay strong. And, that I did. I still am. But now, it's haunting me.. It is like I can't forget all that has happened. It is all still so clear to me. Some things I can accept. Some things I can't.

I got a card in the mail today and it got me thinking...

I have received literally hundreds of cards in the past year. I still have every one of them. I appreciate so much all of the people who have been there for me through this journey. The "king and queen" of cards has to be Eric and Misty Howard. I'm not sure how many cards I have received from them, just wanting to let me know that they were thinking of me and praying for me. Thanks so much to you guys and to EVERYONE who sent these wonderful cards.

That makes me think about all of the other wonderfully kind people who are a part of my life. My absolute "hugest" bunch of heartfelt thanks has to go to my husband, Ken. I could not have made it through this without him. Not in the grand fashion that I did, anyway. I can't even calculate the number of hours that he spent sitting in waiting rooms with me this past year not to mention keeping vigil by my side in hospital rooms and during chemo treatments. Not only that, but he took over so many tasks that he is not used to doing when I was physically unable to do them. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. etc. He encouraged me, he prayed for me and most of all, he continued to love me through it all. Thank you so much, Ken!!

And then there are other members of my family. My kids...Michelle helped me with any number of things, most notably, hand-picking my surgical team, not once, but twice. She is a surg. tech. so she knew everyone involved in surgery at Mercy and she made sure that I had the best of the best. Matt and Sara made numerous trips home to be with me and checked in often when they were unable to be here. My Granddog, Spencer, even sent me a heavy duty Vail sweatshirt because he was afraid I would be cold last winter. Most recently, they participated in the huge Denver Race for the Cure. Kelli and Brett also did so much. They were here for my first chemo treatment when I was so afraid of what was ahead. They coordinated a raft of gifts to keep me comfortable like lounging clothes, slippers, a cozy blanket to curl up in, soft sheets and the now famous chemo bracelet. The whole family participated in these. And, when I ended up needing a thyroidectomy, Kelli was here for that too. My sisters, Marilyn and Susan, both spent many hours with me, just to offer their love and support. Marilyn sat through a couple of my marathon Cancer Center appointments and chemo when Ken's teaching schedule precluded him from being there. Sue and Ron made the trip back from Colorado several times and were instrumental in forming Cathy's Light Brigade...my team in the Siouxland Komen Race for the Cure.They have all been here for me all the way and I appreciate that so much. I love you all.

Meals...I had so many people offer to help by bringing food. I am going to try my best to remember everyone so that I can publicly thank you here, but if I leave someone out, please know that it is unintentional. It is that annoying chemo brain...second only to the obnoxious chemo curl. Thanks thanks thanks to my sister and brother-in-law, Russ and Marilyn Clifford. I can't begin to remember how many meals they shared with us. Others included Sue and Ron Highstreet, Nicole Packard, Kuen Yeh, Barb Pieper, Adele Sorenson, Allen and Tylene Zevenbergen, Eric and Pam Pfautsch, Steve and Judy Miller, Eric and Misty Howard, Bev and Bob Howard, Judy and John Pehrson, Don and Barb Jorgensen, Geri Ducommen...   I hope I haven't forgotten anyone.

I can't neglect mentioning my staunchest "blog" supporters. Jean Turner, Barb Kimmel and Cindy Backer have been relentless in their encouragement on my blog. Many read but these three also let me know that they are out there and are offering their encouragement no matter what. This feedback has meant and continues to mean so much to me. There are others who email their support when they read the posts and I much appreciate that as well. This started out as a small venture to keep people updated on what was going on. This past month, I had almost 900 visitors to my blog. Can you believe it? I have no idea who they all are. I am just amazed but truly appreciate the support I have received through this as well.

Can't forget my job. So many thanks go out to Sue, Sandy, Joan, Debbie, Jennifer, Fred and Kevin for helping to take up the slack when I was unable to physically be there. And special thanks to Ron McManamy for allowing me to have the VPN Remote Desktop option of continuing my job when I just had no choice but to work from home. I'm back to working full time now, but there were many months when it was just more than I could handle.

The prayers of the people...so many people...priceless.

I know I have forgotten to name someone but if you are that person, please know how much I appreciate and love you as well. When I think of someone I forgot, I will mention them in a future post. I will be offering additional insight into the year just behind me over the next few weeks. It's not the end of my journey, but the light is definitely shining much more brightly today than it was a year ago. Hopefully remembering, reliving and relating will help me to get past this.

Later.