Strength

Shortly after I was diagnosed with cancer, someone said to me that, as hard as it was to imagine at that moment, I would come through this experience a stronger and better person. I pretty much blew this off as one of the things that people say to try to make you feel better because there really is nothing much that you can say. In fact, I don't even remember who said it. Sorry. However...

Ken and I were looking at all of the spring flowering bulbs coming up the other day and I couldn't help but think about how ironic it was that in spite of an unusually rough hard winter, the bulbs weathered it well, and, in fact, appeared stronger than ever. There are more of them....more of them are blooming...and the tulips seem to have more buds than ever before. In spite of being buried under 3 feet of snow for months on end, they are now making their presence known in a way they never have before. Could this be what that person was referring to?

I too have gone through some long, trying months, but have managed to weather the storm so to speak. I am dealing with things I never imagined I could deal with and, as difficult as it is some days, I am holding up. In retrospect, I think maybe I am a stronger person than I was before my diagnosis.

Last week, while waiting in the blood draw area at the Cancer Center, I met a lady who must be the epitome of "strong." She has breast cancer as well and she told me that she had been in remission for 11 years but her cancer had recently returned and she was back on chemo. I almost cried for her. I said that I couldn't imagine how disheartening that must be. She said, you just do what you gotta do. Funny...because whenever people ask me how I can manage to be so strong in the midst of all this, that is pretty much what I say. But, I have often thought, that if I were to finally get through all this and then have it come back, I didn't think I could handle it. But this lady is. And, so do many others. I think they, and I, just draw on a strength that we have within us when the time comes that we need it. That is what my flowers did over the winter. And that is what I have to do to get through the final 8 treatments in chemo round 2 and then the subsequent 9 months of chemo round 3 and then radiation.

I don't want to spend the better part of my day being infused with drugs at the Cancer Center tomorrow...but I will. And, I will do OK. And, whatever side effects come my way this week, well, I'll handle those too. Because I have no choice, obviously, but also because I am becoming a stronger person all the time.  Just like someone told me I would. I see that now.

AND...as a special "chemo treat" this week, Kelli and Brett are driving home for the week-end and will probably be here by the time I make it home from the Cancer Center. They have to drive back Sunday morning so it will be short but it will be so good to see them.

So, once again, upward and onward. If you're looking for me tomorrow, you know where I'll be. Same place I am every Friday. And, when I'm done...only 7 more of these treatments remaining. Almost the halfway point.

Later!