Already

Where has this week gone?

Seems like we were just looking forward to celebrating our 40th anniversary with our family. And, what a great week-end we had. We started with a fabulous dinner, hosted by Kuen and Steve at Hunan Palace and then had a quiet "Vegas style" celebration at the house. This was followed by Sunday brunch and then, all too soon, it was time for the Colorado kids to leave.

Now, here we are staring at chemo day again. Just a quick update on last week... there is some chance that they will have to cut back on the dosage of one of the chemo drugs due to the way it is affecting my nerves. I now have some noticeable dizziness and loss of balance in addition to the bone pain. My counts were down again so, once again, I had to receive shots on Monday and Tuesday. That adds to the bone pain so it was a bit of a miserable week in that regard. Hopefully, the counts will be back up tomorrow so that I can move forward with treatment #8. Not looking forward to the long day at the Cancer Center and the infusion, but definitely looking forward to cutting this down to just 4 remaining treatments.

Also, still hoping to be able to join my team in the Susan Komen walk next week-end. Thanks to all who have contributed to our fundraising efforts. There is still time to do so if you are so inclined. Just click here. Thanks so much. Think of me tomorrow.

Later.

Susan Koman Race For the Cure

In case you haven't heard, Sioux City is hosting the Susan Koman Race For a Cure on Sunday, May 9. This is an opportunity for thousands of people to join together to spread breast cancer awareness within the community and to help raise funds which will work toward the dream of someday eradicating this devastating disease.
As most of you know, I was diagnosed with breast cancer last October. I had surgery in November and a second surgery in January to remove my potentially cancerous thyroid. Since December, I have been undergoing massive chemotherapy and will continue receiving these treatments for approximately 10 more months. This will be followed by radiation and finally 5 years of hormone therapy.
A group of my family and friends will be participating in this years Race for a Cure on my behalf. I hope to participate as well by walking the short course. If you would like to contribute to our team effort, you can do so either online or by mailing your check to me. To donate online, please click here. To send a donation, make your check payable to: Susan G. Komen for the Cure Siouxland Affiliate

Mail to: Cathy Stueve

1231 So. Glass

Sioux City, IA, 51106-1616

All mailed donations must be received by May 4. Any and all donations are appreciated. Every dollar makes an impact. My hope, dream and prayer is for a world free of breast cancer - for me, for you, for those you love, for my own daughters and grandaughter, for everyone.
If you can see it in your heart to join with us on Sunday, May 9, or to support us through your contributions, I would be deeply grateful.

Later.

Those Milestones

Tomorrow is a chemo day again and it seems like I am always looking for something to ease the mental challenge of that. This week I didn't have to look far.

Let me tell you a story...

Awhile back, I mentioned that we had a number of milestones ahead of us. Over the past weeks, we've celebrated the birthdays, toasted the halfway point in this round of chemo and now, the big one.

40 years ago, on April 25, 1970, Ken and I were married and embarked on our new life together. So much has happened over the years, including the growth of our family to incude 3 children and 3 grandchildren.  Last summer, that family put their heads together to come up with a plan for a celebratory family gathering in Las Vegas for our 40th wedding anniversary. We all had plans to meet there for a couple days of relaxation and celebration of life and love. But, a funny thing happened on the way to Las Vegas...

I was diagnosed with cancer and those plans had to be put on hold. Ken and I assumed we would instead be celebrating quietly on our own until we received a phone call last week-end informing us that we would still be celebrating with all of our kids...it would just be here in Sioux City, not in Las Vegas. What a surprise and how exciting to have our whole family together for the occasion.

I will still have to endure treatment on Friday but we'll then be able to spend time with Michelle, Matt and Sara and Kellli and Brett and, if their busy adolescent calendars allow, maybe a little time with the grandkids as well. No hoopla...just a quiet family dinner, but how perfect.

Life doesn't always lead us down the paths we may plan...we've learned that over the years...but it all comes down, once again, to living to the fullest whatever path we end up on. The last couple of years have brought unexpected serious health issues to both of us, but we're still here to celebrate 40 years of life and love with those who mean the most to us and that's what it's all about. What a fantastic week-end this will be!

ALSO...if you read the previous post from my sister (if you didn't, please scroll down and read it) you are aware that in two weeks she is coming back from Denver and joining with friends and family here to participate in the Susan Komen Race for the Cure on my behalf. AWESOME! What a support system I have.

I may have cancer, but I am truly blessed!

Later.

An opportunity........

As one of Cathy's sisters, I, like all of you, follow her blog religiously and am so impressed by her ability to write openly and honestly about how her life was changed overnight by the diagnosis of breast cancer. I have to admit that I often struggle trying to find the right words to say and not knowing for sure how to help her.

But there is an opportunity for me and anyone else who would like to join me on Sunday, May 9, 2010, in Sioux City, Iowa, to participate in the Susan B Komen Race for the Cure. I would very much like to enter a team of folks in her honor and participate in something that has made a difference in the fight against breast cancer. I don't have any of the details just yet, but if you haven't made any plans, (I know that it is Mothers' Day), this is a very powerfully positive way to start the day. More to come................

Thanks Cath for letting me use your blog.

Susan Highstreet

Halfway

Just a quick update...I'm home, very tired, but happy to say that I am now halfway through round two. My counts were back up so I was able to have my treatment today. Another milestone achieved! :)

Later.

Apprehension

Why am I always so apprehensive on the day prior to chemo? I do everything I can to prepare myself and still I dread it. Since going into the office is tiring and so is spending the day at the Cancer Center, I typically choose to work from home on Thursdays, allowing myself time to rest and relax. So that is what I have done today. Curled up with my laptop and worked hard on the new web site...all day. I managed to accomplish quite a bit, too, so that is good. I drink plenty of fluids and eat good food, though not much of it, to prepare my body for the onslaught of the drugs. I push the thoughts of the possible side effects out of my mind and try to block out the fact that I have to take those darn steroids. But still, I find myself dreading the day.

Tomorrow especially. Because as much as I dread the process, I dread missing the process even more. I hope, hope, hope the shots I had this week have done their job so they won't cancel my treatment. I do not want to push this schedule back even one week. Also, my doctor has hospital rotation this week so I have to see another doctor and, unfortunately, I do not care for this person. I try to not feel this way, but the problem goes way back and I just can't help it. So, that is weighing on my mind as well.

But, the good news is...completion of this treatment will put me at the halfway point in this round of chemo. A milestone, to say the least. So, I am both dreading and anticipating the day tomorrow. I NEED to keep moving forward. Will let you know how it goes.

Later.

Inspiration

I met a lady yesterday when at the Cancer Center for my shot. She has breast cancer, has finished the brutal AC chemo and is now doing Taxol. I am doing Taxol as well as Herceptin. She was telling me that she has not been able to go to work or to go anywhere, in fact, other than the Cancer Center for appointments. I felt badly for her, because it is the determination to keep pushing forward that keeps me going some days. It is too nice out to never go anywhere.

Last night the pain in my legs was so bad I had to take pain killers to get to sleep, but still managed to get up and go to work this morning. Must be that "Fight Like a Girl" mentality. I think you just have to do your best to ignore the distractions, whether it be fatigue, pain or whatever and do your best to keep on keeping on.

I read this the other day and thought it was pretty apropo...

Erik has worked as a middle-school teacher, run marathons, and performed acrobatic skydiving stunts. He's also a scuba diver, downhill skier, and long-distance bicyclist. Those are impressive accomplishments for any 32-year old. However, Erik has been blind since age 13, when a degenerative eye disease destroyed his retinas.

But being blind has not prevented him from embracing all life has to offer. Recently Erik hit a new personal high by becoming the first blind climber to reach the top of Mount Everest, the tallest challenge in the world for any mountaineer and this guy did it blind.

"I just kept telling myself: 'Be focused,'" Erik explained to a CNN interviewer after his ascent, "'Be full of energy. Keep relaxed. Don't let the distractions — the fear and the doubt — creep into your brain, because that's what ruins you up there.'" Keep focused on the basics.

That's good advice for climbing any kind of mountain, be it made of rock or something more personal.

There are days when that doesn't work as well as others, but you just have to keep trying.

Later.

Boxing Gloves

Whenever I go to the Cancer Center, I see a poster with giant pink boxing gloves and the caption, Fight Like a Girl. Usually several people are also wearing the shirt. I am thinking I need the boxing gloves. It appears that the new chemo drugs are starting to catch up with me.

My counts are continuing to go down....especially my white cells. Dr. D. let me go ahead and have chemo today, but I will not be able to next week unless I go in both Monday and Tuesday for shots to try to increase the cells. So, of course I will do that.

Also, when he tested my reflexes nothing happened. This is a first and he said it is something we will definitely have to monitor. Apparently, the drugs are now affecting my nerves. I have some minor tingling and numbness in my fingertips as well.

And, still 7 of these treatments remaining so this could be a problem. Time to call on that strength I referred to yesterday and yes, maybe learn how to fight like a girl.

Later.

Strength

Shortly after I was diagnosed with cancer, someone said to me that, as hard as it was to imagine at that moment, I would come through this experience a stronger and better person. I pretty much blew this off as one of the things that people say to try to make you feel better because there really is nothing much that you can say. In fact, I don't even remember who said it. Sorry. However...

Ken and I were looking at all of the spring flowering bulbs coming up the other day and I couldn't help but think about how ironic it was that in spite of an unusually rough hard winter, the bulbs weathered it well, and, in fact, appeared stronger than ever. There are more of them....more of them are blooming...and the tulips seem to have more buds than ever before. In spite of being buried under 3 feet of snow for months on end, they are now making their presence known in a way they never have before. Could this be what that person was referring to?

I too have gone through some long, trying months, but have managed to weather the storm so to speak. I am dealing with things I never imagined I could deal with and, as difficult as it is some days, I am holding up. In retrospect, I think maybe I am a stronger person than I was before my diagnosis.

Last week, while waiting in the blood draw area at the Cancer Center, I met a lady who must be the epitome of "strong." She has breast cancer as well and she told me that she had been in remission for 11 years but her cancer had recently returned and she was back on chemo. I almost cried for her. I said that I couldn't imagine how disheartening that must be. She said, you just do what you gotta do. Funny...because whenever people ask me how I can manage to be so strong in the midst of all this, that is pretty much what I say. But, I have often thought, that if I were to finally get through all this and then have it come back, I didn't think I could handle it. But this lady is. And, so do many others. I think they, and I, just draw on a strength that we have within us when the time comes that we need it. That is what my flowers did over the winter. And that is what I have to do to get through the final 8 treatments in chemo round 2 and then the subsequent 9 months of chemo round 3 and then radiation.

I don't want to spend the better part of my day being infused with drugs at the Cancer Center tomorrow...but I will. And, I will do OK. And, whatever side effects come my way this week, well, I'll handle those too. Because I have no choice, obviously, but also because I am becoming a stronger person all the time.  Just like someone told me I would. I see that now.

AND...as a special "chemo treat" this week, Kelli and Brett are driving home for the week-end and will probably be here by the time I make it home from the Cancer Center. They have to drive back Sunday morning so it will be short but it will be so good to see them.

So, once again, upward and onward. If you're looking for me tomorrow, you know where I'll be. Same place I am every Friday. And, when I'm done...only 7 more of these treatments remaining. Almost the halfway point.

Later!

Tuesday

Oh my goodness my legs ache this morning, It will really be an effort to "live my life" today. But I have to continue moving forward. Still not feeling like eating at all.  All in all, not one of my better days but they're not all going to be good. Upward and onward. I need strength to get through 8 more weeks of this.

Good Friday

Chemo day again. Not looking forward to spending the better part of the day at the Cancer Center. Just doesn't seem right. After all...it's Good Friday. And Kelli's birthday. And tomorrow is Matt's birthday. And Sunday is Easter.

Let me digress for a moment. Yes, Kelli's birthday is April 2 and Matt's is April 3. And my Mother-in-law's birthday was April 3 as well. And that takes me back to the days when the kids were little and I was training for Supermom. This meant no fewer than 5 birthday cakes and I baked them all myself. Oh, yes I did (most of the time). There was one for Kelli's actual birthday and family celebration and another for her party with friends. There was one for Matt's actual birthday and family celebration and one for his party with friends. And, we always celebrated with Ken's mom so depending on how the days fell, there was a minimum of one cake for her or the three of them together or maybe one for each of them. FIVE or more. Those were the days. I can't even remember now when the last time was that we did that. I'm sure at the time, we didn't even realize that it was our last time and I for sure never gave a thought to the fact that in x number of years I would be spending my day at the Cancer Center rather than making cakes. Funny how things work.

Don't know if it is the memories that are making me drag my feet today or the fact that it is Easter weekend and that just doesn't seem right or because I was pretty uncomfortable last week when I had the treatment or just the fact that I am really getting tired of spending so much tine there. Doesn't really matter, I guess, because, like it or not, I do have to get ready and go.

I will try to log in later and update this post to let you know how it went. Sure hope it's a good Friday.

Later.

UPDATE:

Home after 5.5 hours at the Cancer Center. Long, tiring day. I even fell asleep during the chemo. Everything went well, though. I had to see a different doctor today since Dr. D. is on vacation. First time I have ever met a doctor who prays over his patients. My counts were lower today but fortunately was still able to have treatment. #4 down, 8 to go! Sure hope things go well over the next several days. I am finding that with the cumulative effects I am having a little worse time with each treatment. Last week I thought it was going to go great since I woke up Sunday morning feeling good for the first time. But things got worse as the day went on and probably my worst day of the week was yesterday...Thursday. I didn't feel well at all and that is a first for that late in the week. Marilyn is having all of us over for dinner on Sunday so that is a big help. Looking forward to it and hoping all is well. Guess that is about it. Hope you all have a great weekend and a blessed Easter.

Later.

By the way, there were 150 visits to this site M-F this week. That is incredible. Thank you all.